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7.28.2005 I'm ABSOLUTELY in LOVE with this song....might be my summer song!!! (except the meaning is dead for me...but her voice...) ~Listen to Your Heart~ by DHT (well, when it was redone) I know there's something in the wake of your smile I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah You've built a love but that love falls apart Your little piece of heaven turns too dark Listen to your heart When he's calling for you Listen to your heart There's nothing else you can do I don't know where you're going And I don't know why But listen to your heart Before you tell him goodbye Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah They're swept away and nothing is what it seems The feeling of belonging to your dreams Listen to your heart When he's calling for you Listen to your heart There's nothing else you can do I don't know where you're going And I don't know why But listen to your heart Before you tell him goodbye And there are voices That want to be heard So much to mention But you can't find the words The scent of magic The beauty that's been When love was wilder than the wind Listen to your heart When he's calling for you Listen to your heart There's nothing else you can do I don't know where you're going And I don't know why But listen to your heart Before you tell him goodbye Listen to your heart Mmmmmmmm I don't know where your going And I don't know why Listen to you heart Before you tell him goodbye Searching For on 7/28/2005 09:31:00 PM.
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life If you knew how lonely my life has been And how long I've been so alone And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along And change my life the way you've done Oh boys...how you make my head spin. I was feeling depressed tonight, because everyone at work tonight was dating each other, except for me. And work was rough tonight...and I started my bc again tonight which completely frucks up all my hormones and I was almost in tears about 800 times. God was getting me through, trust me. One guy told me to catch my breath before he ordered and that I was doing a great job...he was a real sweet heart. Sweet kids too. I really appreciated his gesture. But my heart hurt tonight. Rach is leaving for vacation tomorrow, Jeanne is far away and having boy issues. The only thing I wanted to do was be in Columbus, comforting her although I was hurting from being single...in our tiny little dorm room, then taking a walk and drowning our sorrows in the darkness and chocolate cake from Market Place. That's right... I said it. I'm starting to feel the lingering effects of being single...and I hate it. When my world turns more upside down than ususal...I'm tired of reading...of avoiding going out...of this town. I miss Columbus so much. And as ususal...everytime i feel this way... Mike called. Said he missed me...called me sweetheart. I know he's a charmer...I do. But damnit...I miss him too. In weak moments like this, he always seems to be there. He always makes me laugh, although the disappearing act makes me want to fall apart. And as many mortifying moments as I've had with him...I'm still comfortable with him (and rationally, I shouldn't be). But he flirts like me and knows the line. But he's so spontaneous...but I'm not afraid of his spontaniety either, like I ususally am. Who am I kidding? I'd have been over there tonight if I'd been in town. God I miss him. And I almost wish I didn't. 50 days is so long. I miss school like mad. Maybe for my officiating meeting I'll spend some more time...take a long weekend... :groan: I'm so weak. I've been over this a thousand times...he can't be the one b/c of how we met. but gosh darn it... Searching For on 7/28/2005 12:59:00 AM.
7.22.2005 And the other day...as I was daydreaming/remembering about school and stuff, I realized that I was :gasp: HOMESICK for that stupid, rincky dink dorm room and stupid city. :sigh: homesick...is such a weird word. But I certainly don't feel quite at home here, everything is all weird. By anyway...I went college shopping today, which was about 800x easier since I didn't have to get half the stuff i got last year. However, my mom has apparently noticed since I've been home that absolutely detest the color blue. So now...everything is purple...except my rug...which will remain to be blue. I really thought that was super nice of her considering I probably won't ever have use for an extra long comforter again and she went out of her way to buy me a new purple one, dig up a purple shower curtain, waste basket, and dye my sheets purple as well. oh and buy me a purple multiple plug thing, and shower thing and a super stupid/cute purple pillow that says "I love you" (at least SOMEBODY does, haha). Then she took me out to dinner and found out every detail about my break up with Drew. Moms...gotta love 'em...but gotta wish occasionally they'd stay a bit out of our relationships. I also got 2 cool posters for like $5...one is a super hot guy holding a super cute cat and the other is a poster about women that cracks me up. I figured a little decoration never hurt anyone. And I got the new HP book...glorious. Anyway, I gotta go shower and chill with my mom until she falls asleep. Love you all. Searching For on 7/22/2005 11:29:00 PM.
7.21.2005 :sigh: Back to PT today, which was all together depressing. I did lose just about everything after mono and what little I've had left, I've lost since I've been home. So we start over. PT 3x a week at the crack of dawn for a couple of hours...until I go back to school. Learning how to walk again. It's all very...frustrating. But hopefully this time nothing will stop me. And I can still do all my cardio. My mom post poned her biospy as she got an inner ear infection. Blah. soon though...soon. Feel better Lana, lylas Searching For on 7/21/2005 09:49:00 AM.
7.14.2005 Oh life is freaking hilarious sometimes. If there are any other guys out there that I've dated, made out with, or where once super nice to that would like to call me and talk to me, please feel free. Is my name on a freaking world-wide bathroom stall?! Seriously...WTF? I think like one or two guys hasn't caused my head to spin in the past 3 days. Frucking boys. Seriously, if I liked girls, I'd be a lesbian. But I don't...so one day my prince will come on his white horse and I'll thank God...repeatedly. On the other hand...life is grand. Rachel is the love of my life...forever. So is Jeanne...and Lana. Having awesome adopted sisters...is the best thing in the world. Boys are way overrated...well boys...men...I like men...a lot. :sigh: It's so depressing to be an almost 20 year old with perfectly normal hormones in your hometown. Where you wouldn't dream of acting on your hormones with anyone b/c they're SOMEBODY's ex...or it's just TOO weird, i mean you knew them when they were 5! Sometimes a girl wants a 6 pack of smniroff (or a 12), a horribly revealing outfit and a room full of random guys. So she can table dance...so she can be horribly seductive, make-out randomly, do a few other crazy things...and then head home without anyone else giving a shit and fall fast asleep. They think they dance "Dirty" here...they haven't seen shit. They think they drink here...they don't drink worth shit. They think they party here. They're wrong. I love my family and my the simplier life I lead here. I like being domestic and cleaning and cooking and eating healthy food and cutting my own grass and playing with kids all day... But damn it...I miss that city... (I'm a hypocrite...I know) This 2 world shit is hellish.... But I'm still happy...and smiling...beautiful...intelligent...with a beautiful family... Hard to complain too much...even though I just did. Life is good...and hilarious ~Whatever~ I used to take you at face value You spoke, I listened and the only thing missing was the truth Yeah, promises, promises Lines as honest as a three dollar bill You talk the talk But you don't walk the walk and I've had my fill Going on like this is so absurd I'm sick of these words, words, words You say yes, you say no You say come, you say go You change just like the weather First you're up, then you're down Say you can't hang around Then you promise me forever Whatever Save your breath, I'm tuning you out Nothing I need to hear gonna plug up my ears And sing real loud LA,LA,LA,LA,LA,LA Baby talk if you want, I don't care anymore I'm past the breaking point So I'm blowing this joint, yeah, I'm out the door I used to take it all so personally Now it sounds the same to me You say yes, you say no You say come, you say go You change just like the weather First you're up, then you're down Say you can't hang around Then you promise me forever Whatever I used to take it all so personally Now it sounds the same to me You say yes, you say no You say come, you say go You change just like the weather First you're up, then you're down Say you can't hang around Then yopu promise me forever Whatever ~Jessica Andrews~ Searching For on 7/14/2005 11:22:00 PM.
7.11.2005 Okay, so people who don't comment...you suck. People who then bitch at me in person b/c I haven't posted and don't comment...you suck even more. It'll take 2 seconds and make happy. And making ME happy is very high on my selfish single list. Thanks. (oh stop laughing, that was my pathetic attempt at being bitchy...when did I lose my bitchy gene?!) NOTHING of interest has been going on, hence the lack of posts. Let me see if I can outline my tiny town life for you all. Went to the doctor that I detest. I had bronchitis last week, didn't have a voice for a few days at work, but I feel fine now. El medico sent me to a new back doctor who I saw today. I didn't like him either (See the trend with doctors from this area...I'm still haboring angry feelings about my mom being misdiagnosed for 11 YEARS!) but anyway. Much like the other doctor I detest that both mentioned that I was getting fat (most people gain weight at school, not me, I gain it at HOME) I've been back to my old school workout sans the arc trainer and impliment the armless ellipse on it's highest elevation and add in the weight training I hate since last week when I saw the detested doctor. I'm also being sent back to therapy with Stephanie so new horrid abs will be introduced as well. My left leg hasn't regained jack of it's strength and I've been compensating with my right for over a year, hence this new fun pain. So my weakling left might catch up to my right. And I need to be 20 pounds lighter...30-35 when I want to get pregnant. Heathily the doc's think if I'm down 20 before I go back to school I'll be in a good spot. I think it's funny. My peditrician was always leery to mention losing any weight due to past history and now...this. Why couldn't my family be stickly? Crazy world. Well I have to work in the AM and I'm beat. Love you all. Searching For on 7/11/2005 09:20:00 PM.
7.05.2005 Dream Big When you cry be sure to dry your eyes, cause better days are sure to come. And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and don't let them know that they have one. And when you walk, walk with pride, and don't show the hurt inside, because the pain sill soon be gone. Chorus: And when you dream, dream big, as big as the ocean blue. Cause when you dream it might come true. When you dream, dream big. And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud, cause it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on when the troubles come your way. When you cry be sure to dry your eyes, cause better days are sure to come. And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and don't let them know that they have one. And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud, ? it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on when the troubles come your way. Searching For on 7/05/2005 12:10:00 AM.
7.02.2005 ~This Town is THAT Small~ Hello Friend I don't know where you're bound But welcome to the incredible shrinking town Before too long you'll be the latest rumor going 'round They'll all smile and wave, they'll all know your name Yeah, it's not about what you do, it's all bout who you know So step right up and take a shot at the status quo Oh and let me introduce you to some good God-fearin' folk Hear the Church bells ring, listen to the choir sing White fences, peach pie Air kisses, wishing you well So sweet So nice But if you get a secret You better not tell Street corners, back yards Good Fiction is better than fact They're masters of the art Of "bless your heart" with a knife in your back This town is that small So help your self to some hospitality Make your peace with your brand new scaled down dreams You might think you're free to go, but you'll never leave So find yourself some shade and pour some lemonade White fences, peach pie Air kisses, wishing you well So sweet So nice But if you get a secret You better not tell Street corners, back yards Good Fiction is better than fact They're masters of the art Of "bless your heart" with a knife in your back This town is that small They love to build you up just to knock you down Cause this town.. this town.. White fences, peach pie Air kisses, wishing you well So sweet So nice But if you get a secret You better not tell Street corners, back yards Good Fiction is better than fact They're masters of the art Of "bless your heart" with a knife in your back This town is that small ~Sherrie Austin~ Searching For on 7/02/2005 12:09:00 AM.
7.01.2005 'Cause you and I will never be Like the past whatever kind of memories That you have Nothings gonna hurt you now Can't you see I don't want to make a vow That I can't keep The woman before me must've been hard on you 'Cause that hurt in your eyes I never put you through Sometimes I think you must be talking to The woman before me and you ~Trisha Yearwood~ The Woman Before Me Searching For on 7/01/2005 10:03:00 PM.
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