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3.25.2005 Good couple of days with the girls. Yesterday I stayed in my pj's until 6ish, watched more Stargate with daddy of course. I took a shower and went out with Meg to get our stuff for school and to see "Hide & Seek" which scared the LIVING daylights out of both us,particularly since we decided to see the latest showing. By the time we got home, we were terrified. Very well done...horribly disturbing movie. I'll admit that I slept with my mom until the sun came up and I find the urge to go back to my room. Today I went job hunting. Was re-hired @ Chuch E. Cheese for the summer. Highly likely to be hired at The Gap (Kids) as well. Could be a great summer...at least I'll stay busy. Then Meg and Carrie and I went to see The Ring II and then to dinner. During the Ring Carrie and molested each other in our fear, she reeked havoc on my knee and I reeked havoc on her shoulder. We were at Wendy's...and we stayed for over an hour...just talking. We were catching up...we discussed how nice it was to talk to each other about things again...I mean...Meg and I both get the heck out, but...there's something about knowing someone for 13+ years that just can't ever be known to even your closest shortest time friends. I mean Meg & I did gymnastics together, Carrie and I had talks CONSTANTLY, we kept each other sane so many times (neither of us were gossips...except to each other...and we ALWAYS kept that stuff to ourselves). Meg and I have discussions about...EVERYTHING...plus we've shared ideals, philosophies and so many books...so many concepts. Couldn't have it any other way. Meg, Carrie and I spent A LOT of time together in HS. We spent A LOT of time playing volleyball (2 leagues) and we struggled through it everyday in HS when we knew damn well somethings were more important, we put it first. We were the heads of every club imaginable, we were the smartest of the smart (although I never really thought I was, neither did Meg). We were the moralists although Meg and I straddled the fence...a lot. They were there when it all happened, they let me cry, they let me sob. Carrie heard the gory details, heard my hurt. We saw each other through heart break...both by boys and by other types of losses. We were NOT the same..at all. It was because of our differences that we got along so well. We complimented each other. When one of us fell down (Which we all did...a lot) the others picked her up, held a girls night and fought through it. We always did. We never left each other out in the cold. We let each other go when we felt we had to. I don't know how many times they listened to me tell them, how "he really loves me this time, it's gonna work out" and they knew it wouldn't...but they didn't tell me, they let me believe, they let me have my godot, b/c they knew I needed it, we all needed our Godot, we all needed it in some area...and we let each other have it, everytime. Without those girls...my life would have been so much different. I complained about HS when I was in it, how tired I was of the same people, how I wanted something new...and now I realize, new is always good, change is inevitable. But true friends...they're always there...through thick, thin and distance...it matters not. If you need them, they'll be there...regardless of whether or not you call. Lesson learned, hold on to your true friends, for they will help you through life...and you will help them, this is why God has blessed you with them. Thanks to all my true friends. I Love You. Searching For on 3/25/2005 12:22:00 AM.
3.22.2005 It's true kids... Cross Canadian Ragweed ~17~ Sirens wail and a flashing light: Nothin' better to do on a Tuesday night, But give me hell. Where you headed, what are you out for? Don't see much of you 'round here anymore. I guess it's just as well. Once upon a time you had it all: You let everybody down. You're always seventeen in your hometown. Runnin' from your folks, runnin' from the law. Runnin' from love; runnin' from your fears; runnin' from it all. You keep on runnin' boy, you'll run yourself in the ground. You're always seventeen in your hometown. Her porch swing still looks the same, She probably won't even remember my name. Just like she didn't back then. Is she married, is she doin' fine? Does she know about all the nights I laid awake cryin', Just to know her hand? The door opens and I run away, Just like the same old clown. You're always seventeen in your hometown. Runnin' from your folks, runnin' from the law. Runnin' from love; runnin' from your fears; runnin' from it all. You keep on runnin' boy, you'll run yourself in the ground. You're always seventeen in your hometown. Well, nobody's gonna miss me. No tears will fall; no-one's gonna weep, When I hit that road. My boots are broken, my brain is sore, From keeping up with their little world: I got a heavy load. Gonna leave 'em all just like before, I'm big city bound. You're always seventeen in your hometown. Runnin' from your folks, runnin' from the law. Runnin' from love; runnin' from your fear; runnin' from it all. You keep on runnin' boy, you'll run yourself in the ground. You're always seventeen, Yeah, you're always seventeen: You're always seventeen in your hometown. Searching For on 3/22/2005 11:04:00 PM.
Well...I didn't do job searching today, I went to bed late and woke up late. BUT...it was an exciting day. All my grades come in today and I got a 4.0!!! (definitely not quite expecting that). Anyway, so my parents said the ususal, "Hey that's great!" Then I asked dad to go to the outlets with me after writing many emails, most of the them begging people for money (aka scholarships). The Alumni already replied...gosh they're hilarious people, I love them. Then dad AND mom went to the outlets with me. I needed new tennis shoes...badly. So I assumed we'd get me some new tennis shoes and call it a day. My mom took me into the Gap...and bought me an amazing amount of clothing...in fact after I've picked out everything and tried it on, I tried to sit down and figure out what I could afford...my mom took the clothes from me and bought them...shock if you will. Apparently I was being rewarded for my 4.0 and having mono and all that jazz...which was interesting...b/c well...my parents never much worked on the reward system for my grades...they were..expected if you will. ::if you're male, you're about to be very bored:: Mother dearest bought me a wonderful pair of casual black capris (which I fully intend on living in this summer), a cute black halter sundress, a jean jacket I'd been wanting since LAST spring and a black one that's gorgeous, 3 new halters that are VERY flatering if you will, in yellow, black and green and green pinstripe to go with the green halter...oh and new fun socks. IF this was not enough excitement for one day then we journed to Nike, which was overly exciting. I got a pair of summer running shoes (Which are my favorite, in case anyone gives a shat, they're so light and airy...and completely inappropriate for any other time of year), workout shoes and cut slip ons, oh and of course more sweat pants...AMAZING. I think I thanked my parents about a gazillion times. Definitely a surprise, definitely wonderful. Then we came back and all made and ate dinner together. It was really awesome, my mom was even not feeling so sick! ::sighs:: I'm so blessed, I have the most wonderful, sweetest family, the sweetest boyfriend...awesome friends..so blessed. And I must go, b/c tomorrow I must actually get up and go turn in applications like mad... 2 more days and 2 more nights... Searching For on 3/22/2005 09:53:00 PM.
3.21.2005 Not much of interest today. Although I'll admit a breathed a huge sigh of relief when I received an official clean bill of health from Dr. DeMartino...I'd been leary over that since the whole ordeal. I mean I didn't think...but it was nice to be confermed (okay so I've been freaking out about since the incident as Jeanne well knows...hence the reason why I have always worn a "chastity belt" I can't deal with the stress...and hence why I have put it back on a thrown away the key for a good looooong while). Dr. Jenn was good too, new fun stuff and old reliable...for 12 refills...thank heavens. Slept finally for a bit this evening after making dinner (I'm so domestic). Then daddy and I proceeded to watch 5 episodes of Stargate...it was blissful... Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to get up early and beat crowds and do some serious job hunting and then hopefully (cross your fingers) mom and I will go to Grove City (just for the Gap and the Nike outlet)...but...okay I'm being optimistic, she well be well-enough to go and we will go. I've read Lana's missions journal (or her groups rather) and it's moving...very. She's trying to convince me to come next year, something about my translating skills being helpful...it's tempting I must say, I mean I was thinking Cancun but...somehow I think her plan would be more rewarding...just a thought. Searching For on 3/21/2005 10:44:00 PM.
3.20.2005 'Cause I am hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit Outside your door and listen to you breathing Is where I want to be I don't want a thing from you Bet you're tired of me waiting For the scraps to fall Off your table to the ground I just want to be here now ~Lifehouse, Breathing~ Searching For on 3/20/2005 11:24:00 PM.
blah. Today's family dinner was...sort. Wonderful food, awesome wonderful food (it included more strawberries...I think I'm going to turn into a strawberry...but that's okay...I mean the only strawberries I had the whole quarter came from my everso wonderful bf, I can't complain). But my family...we left after 2 hours and not a hand of cards...it made me sad. My mom is so sick...I hate when my parents hide this stuff. My daddy is getting better, plus I tend to make him feel better, b/c our brains work the same way. To give in, to give up, to ask for help, is not our way. Our way is to either pretend everything is fine or to demand that we can deal with it ourselves...and we do (whether a good idea or not, I am unsure, but I know I have become a stronger girl because of this way of thinking). I'm glad he's getting better. Tomorrow I have 2 doctor's appointments, neither of which I am looking forward to. ::Disclaimer, if you're male..stop reading for a bit:: My mom kindly made me an 8:45AM appointment with my GYN...thanks mom, I really want to put my feet in the good ol' stirrups and spread 'em at a time I normally wouldn't be consciencious, then after that (which truly, so much has happened this quarter...most unfortunately, I am not looking forward to this visit...at all, I liked when none of the boxes on the forms applied to me dammit...gosh I am sooooo nervous). Then I get to go to the derm...seriously THANKS MOM, way to schedule my appointments. (I'm not that bitter, these things must occur, I just wish not quite so SOON and together). ::You may begin reading again if you so choose...it's safe:: Tomorrow I'm also hoping to catch up with Meg or Chris. I also have some shopping to take care of. Blah. I'd be perfectly content with a trip to the Gap in Grove City (PA) but I'd spend more money than I should if I want to stay in CO for the summer. blaaaaaaaah. lol. I'll stop whining...well almost anyway. Searching For on 3/20/2005 09:55:00 PM.
3.19.2005 ::sighs:: (so I sigh a lot when I'm home). I had a terrific day. I watched Stargate with Daddy, went to church with grandma and daddy (it was palm Sunday of course, very moving, reenactment went very well, especially the little ones, they were soooo ADORABLE, this one little girl, in purple not more than 2, she was soo cute), went out to eat with Grandma and Daddy @ the Ground Round (where else?) ran into Lenny and su familia. It was very good and fun. Searching For on 3/19/2005 10:48:00 PM.
My Best Friend I never had no one I could count on I’ve been let down so many times I was tired of hurtin’ So tired of searchin’ ’til you walked into my life It was a feelin’ I’d never known And for the first time I didn’t feel alone You’re more than a lover There could never be another To make me feel the way you do Oh we just get closer I fall in love all over Everytime I look at you I don’t know where I’d be Without you here with me Life with you makes perfect sense You’re my best friend You’re my best friend, oh yeah You stand by me And you believe in me Like nobody ever has When my world goes crazy You’re right there to save me You make me see how much I have And I still tremble When we touch And oh the look in your eyes When we make love You’re more than a lover There could never be another To make me feel the way you do Oh we just get closer I fall in love all over Everytime I look at you And I don’t know where I’d be Without you here with me Life with you makes perfect sense You’re my best friend You’re my best friend ~Tim McGraw~ Searching For on 3/19/2005 09:41:00 PM.
celebrate women month.... 1.Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the s _ _t out of you. 2.Men are like ...... Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3.Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.. 4.Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5.Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for your hips. 6.Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say. 7.Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8.Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9.Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10.Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11.Men are like . ... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12.Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13.Men are like ........ Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. Searching For on 3/19/2005 12:50:00 AM.
The Holy Bible & The TV Guide They lie on the table side by side The Holy Bible and the TV guide. One is well worn and cherished with pride. Not the Bible, but the TV guide. One is used daily to help folks decide. No, not the Bible, but the TV guide. As the pages are turned, what shall they see. Oh, what does it matter, turn on the TV. Then confusion reigns, they can't all agree On what they should watch on the old TV. So they open the book in which they confide, No, not the Bible, but the TV guide. The Word of God is seldom read, Maybe a verse as they fall into bed. Exhausted and sleepy and tired as can be; Not from reading the Bible, from watching TV. So then back to the table side by side, Lie the Holy Bible and the TV guide. No time for prayer, no time for the Word, The plan of Salvation is seldom heard. But forgiveness of sin, so full and free, Is found in the Bible, not on TV. Choose which book will rule your family. Searching For on 3/19/2005 12:46:00 AM.
::sighs:: good night with the crew. I will always love Meg and Carrie...can't help it. Especially Meg and her life out there knowledge. She and Tobey are the cutest as well. They're amazing...such distance and such...wow. She never passes up opportunities and he supports everything. ::sighs:: wish I had that kind of willpower to not see my baby for most of the quarter and still...be okay with that. Maybe I just expect too much. ::sighs again:: I miss my bf an uncountable amount. How many more days? Searching For on 3/19/2005 12:37:00 AM.
3.18.2005 blahhhhhhhhhhh. I miss my BOYFRIEND!!!!!! BAH HUMBUG. I'm going to go finishing watching a very long movie (it's good, Atomic Train...really good) and then I'm going out with the girlssss and the boyssss b/c it's Jenny's birthday!(okay so I'm excited). I can't wait to see Meghan and Bridget and Tobey!!! omg. So crazy! lol. anyway...me out. Searching For on 3/18/2005 05:55:00 PM.
3.17.2005 After watching The Sum of All Fears (I'd already read the book but you know), discussing (read, debating) history and choices of men with my daddy, I am now ready to write (rant). War...blows my mind. War as a consequence of miscommunication...REALLY blows my mind (excuse me for making fun of communications majors... I apologize, perhaps we do need more people that know how to COMMUNICATE). Can you imagine if wars started because of MIScommunication>? I mean wars...that start because of complete and total differences and lack of being able to rectify them, I can somewhat understand, I cannot justify, but I can understand...sort of. Patriotism...is something I love, but not...front runner patriotism, patriotism all the time, true patriotism. Real, I'd honestly die for my country and what it stands for patriotism, that's...like one of the greatest things in the world. My brother never really got that vibe...he was not smart enough to understand much history for one and he hated reading for another, but my dad. Such a wealth of knowledge. I dunno, I just. Okay..when I was a little girl, once I learned a little bit about the CIA my dad straightened me out on everything...and I wanted to be in the CIA...for YEARS. (I wrote my junior career goals paper on the CIA and NSA). I also went through an airforce obsession. So when I think about all this...I ask myself can I really not support my boyfriend's plans for med school....AGHH. No, I can't. I really have to support them, fully and I really have to be willing to do some traveling and promise to stick by his side. ::sighs:: sometimes it stinks having to live by your values and morals...(okay not really but you know). Let's see what else. I took a long jog in the "wilderness" without my mp3 player and it felt glorious. Let very many random thoughts run through my head. Many of them were pleasant, many involved my everso wonderful bf. I like running b/c it allows me to let thought flow and they please, nothing is right or wrong or not allowed, they just eb and flow much like the some streams I passed and the soft rain that fell. So calming, so beautiful. Such pleasant thoughts. To finally be comfortable with forever and with loving someone and to not think in my heart that it was wrong, wrong, wrong, but perfectly right. I realize we don't have enough time under our belts to call it love and we probably shouldn't...but I haven't the faintest clue what else we could call it and stil bring it justice. Jenny said she knew but didn't broadcast it, but that she knew after a month truly. I know now and I suppose I am somewhat broadcasting it, but I just know. I just want people to understand. I'd like to fast forward a year but yet not (no need to surpass so many good times)...but eh...perhaps you know what I mean. I get so excited though, it's going to be spring, walks in the park, picnics, making out under the stars, chasing each other through the warmth and sun...::sighs:: A weekend or two in Alabama (have I mentioned how much I need my car...NOW?!) ::sigh:: I've spent the rest of the evening job hunting in CO. I'm trying to like mad... iwanna stay in Columbus!!!!!!!! Pray for me...I want this to work out alright... love you all Searching For on 3/17/2005 10:29:00 PM.
So I'm at home...sitting here with my nice warm cup of decaf tea...awaiting for the muse to deliver some inspiration to write on my blog...just waiting, waiting...waiting.. Okay, so it won't happen. I mean, I wrote a gazillion things in my head during my jog through Boardman Park today..but..now...I feel very unmotivated. I miss my boyfriend veeeeeeery much. I hope that he is alright, I am sure he is, but you know, I'm female, I worry. ::sighs:: Searching For on 3/17/2005 08:11:00 PM.
So I'm at home...sitting here with my nice warm cup of decaf tea...awaiting for the muse to deliver some inspiration to write on my blog...just waiting, waiting...waiting.. Okay, so it won't happen. I mean, I wrote a gazillion things in my head during my jog through Boardman Park today..but..now...I feel very unmotivated. I miss my boyfriend veeeeeeery much. I hope that he is alright, I am sure he is, but you know, I'm female, I worry. ::sighs:: Searching For on 3/17/2005 08:11:00 PM.
3.14.2005 Yes, I should be sleeping. That said, my mind is jumping in anxiety, so I type. Jeanne and I just had a big talk about my mom and how she's sick and how I won't move away from her b/c I'm realist...and reality tells me I'm going to need to be around to help take care of her (and I'm not talking years from now)...daddy won't be able to do it all by himself...and well...I hate thinking that...anyway Quotes from the Hockey Game...(Oh Sam...) "He couldn't pee straight!" "In the middle east, one of the biggest insults you can give is that your mother looks like a sack of flour" Sam went out with the gang this weekend to the hockey game and then out with my boy and I for dinner (I promised she wouldn't feel like 3rd wheel...and my boyfriend was nice enough to not mention that he did)...anyway...her comments made my heart glow, since I have never gotten positive comments about my previous associations... " went to the OSU hockey game with Claris, her roomie, their b/f's and another one of their friends. Claris, I give you kudos for this one... such a sweetheart. If he didn't live so far away, you'd have to be concerned... hehe.. j/k." awww....so special. ::smiles:: I do hate finals...but I fall more in love with that boy everyday (but don't tell him, it'll make his already huge ego inflate more ;-) )... Now..let's see if I can't sleep and not blow my psychology final... Feel better Lana...love you much. Searching For on 3/14/2005 11:46:00 PM.
3.11.2005 And you all thought the Friday Five were dead... * thing that's on your mind right now: My boyfriends coming tomorrow...and I have two, count them, one TWO classes left in winter quarter...and 3 finals... * songs you like: God Bless The Broken Road, Nobody's Home, Behind Blue Eyes, Till I Collapse, She's Calling it Love *things that make you angry: hypocrasy, confusion, finals, calculus, spanish, psychology, hatred, words without reason, hatefulness, unhappiness, liars, cheaters and those that are unfaithful *things that make you happy: my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my kitties (I miss them!!!) my parents, my brother my sister, my roommate, warm weather, feeling sexy, things that are clean, good books. *people who have made a big impact on your life: My surgeon, my mom, my dad, my brother and my sister, Pav, Putarek, Smerc, Rachel, Nicole, Jeanne, Michelle, Sarah, Kyle...okay I give up... Searching For on 3/11/2005 12:04:00 AM.
3.08.2005 If your life was a soundtrack...what play when...you walk to class? you're in class? at different emotional moments in your life? If your life was narrated like The Wonder Years...what would the narrator say? Just some things I enjoy pondering. I was thinking about good times with Rachel today b/c of song I heard and I missed her so much...Gosh Rach...I miss you so much. Sometimes it feels good to say, FUCK YOU, I don't have to take you treating me like shit anymore, so FUCK OFF. Yep...and sometimes it feels best to tell the truth, have them hear you out...talk like adults and get your closure, close it off and let it go...and so completely ends a part of your past...so you can finally whole heartdly move on to your future without malice in your heart or anger in your memories. Your memories will be sweet...but your future...unimaginably wonderful. Beautiful things are in store...and I'm content to let them come as they will... I love you baby with all my heart and soul (STOP GAGGING ;-} ) Searching For on 3/08/2005 10:52:00 PM.
3.07.2005 Beautiful day...blissful life...wonderful love. I love you. Searching For on 3/07/2005 01:29:00 AM.
3.05.2005 Bad night...way too early morning...better afternoon. Thank God for my boyfriend and Jeanne. Thank God for Jeanne. Last night...gosh. It was just so rough. I love my boyfriend he loves me. Jeanne loves Frank, Frank loves her and all is right with the world....thank goodness. Put That on Everything If you're looking to find A love that will stand till the end of time Baby, relax your mind My love is here, yeah I'll do anything, I swear I'd take the pain and the hurt, you won't know it's there Your wants would be nothing I put that on ev'rything, put that on ev'rything I will pull a star out of the sky for you Yes, I would To the edge of the earth I'll go to see you Yes, it's true If you go anywhere And I'm not there Just think one thought of love And I'll be there, oh baby CHORUS Before I dream, I lay and think of you Ev'ry night Honest to God, I'm telling you the truth Oh, yeah I wish you could see How much your presence means to me You would love me so much more Each day I'll walk for you through the desert heat I'll climb the mountain's highest peak I'll swim forever in the deepest sea, oh Just for you this song I sing For all the love and joy you bring For you I'll try to do the impossible things I put that on ev'rything ~Brandy~ Searching For on 3/05/2005 01:39:00 PM.
This night.....couldn't possibly get any worse.....just....Jeanne and I...worst luck...ever...I just want it to be tomorrow so we can try to get our shit back together......fuck Searching For on 3/05/2005 04:24:00 AM.
There are ironic times in life when you'd want nothing better than your boyfriend to hold you through the night (although unnecessary...just a desire) and make sure you're safe...it's on those nights that you thank God for your best friend/roommates boyfriend and his love for you and his own girlfriend...gotta love Frank... Searching For on 3/05/2005 02:26:00 AM.
So I am soooo pissed off right now. Jeanne and I were having a great girls night after going to see the "Vagina Monalogs" Then we came back and popped a top and were simply chilling. Some guys were around openly drinking, I didn't know them, but eventually figured out that they were friends of Ross's. Ross is from my home town and when I get homesick, I occassionaly reminiscene with him. I've been lulled by such a false sense of secruity being at OSU for almost 2 quarters now, I'd forgotten what and how guys at home think...I'd forgotten a lot...and i paid for it this evening. Honestly, I went over to see how Jamie was doing...my first incinuation should have been that Jamie had only had one. When he left, so did I. Ross tried to save me...he's learned...he's been here long enough to realize what goes on back home isn't right. I give him a shitload of credit and I have no qualms. I am so pissed. Jeanne and I have talked about it and it sucks. We also got cited tonight b/c of the fuckers. We went into the guys rooms to get away from them b/c they followed us to our rooms. And then the guys room got busted for not a good reason...and the busted the fuckers second. We'll have to write a paper or something, I don't give a shit about that. I'm more pissed about the way the guys acted. I KNOW it was just like back home but I fucking HATE how they act back home. It's not right...fuck them, just fuck them. Oh and fuck drinking without my boyfriend around...fuck drinking in general. I've had it. argggggg I hate my hometown mentality...I forget how it is when I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like a princess...fuck it. Searching For on 3/05/2005 01:22:00 AM.
3.03.2005 So...math exam tomorrow. I've been studying for 4 days... I would be upset if I didn't do so hot. So...my last midterm of the quarter, wish me luck. Love you Lana, I miss you. I set out on a narrow way many years ago Hoping I would find true love along the broken road But I got lost a time or two Wiped my brow and kept pushing through I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you Every long lost dream lead me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you I think about the years I spent just passing through I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you But you just smile and take my hand You've been there you understand It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true Every long lost dream lead me to where you are Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars Pointing me on my way into your loving arms This much I know is true That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you I love you. Searching For on 3/03/2005 08:22:00 PM.
3.02.2005 I LOVE my life...and the stupid people in it.... Kuadracer3: hey Leapoffaith838: hey hey Kuadracer3: whats up? Leapoffaith838: not much, just got back from class Leapoffaith838: how about you Kuadracer3: just hangin out...i moved out Leapoffaith838: really Leapoffaith838: that sounds exciting Kuadracer3: haha Kuadracer3: it is Kuadracer3: i live in dublin now Leapoffaith838: that's really fun Kuadracer3: u should come over sometime Leapoffaith838: that'd be fun Kuadracer3: yeah yeah, u single? Leapoffaith838: lol way to beat around the bush Kuadracer3: what Leapoffaith838: and of course I'm not Kuadracer3: ur not single? Leapoffaith838: nope Kuadracer3: why the hell not? Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: b/c I'm horribly intelligent, talented and beautiful Leapoffaith838: I'm rarely single Leapoffaith838: dah Kuadracer3: Kuadracer3: so is this why u dont talk to me anymore? Leapoffaith838: lol you don't talk to me Kuadracer3: bullshit...i IM you all the time Leapoffaith838: lol I'm never here Leapoffaith838: you know how it is, classes, exams, workouts, partying Kuadracer3: bull bull bull Leapoffaith838: it's true Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: busy life Kuadracer3: if ur so busy then why do u have a bf? Leapoffaith838: lol he takes up time too Kuadracer3: phh....stupid ol' boyfriend Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: loyal, sweet, wonderfully perfect boyfriend Kuadracer3: and stupid....stupid dumb shity fuck Kuadracer3: haha Leapoffaith838: that puts up with my out of control partying and all my other shit Leapoffaith838: oh no...definitely a good fuck Kuadracer3: well there's still dumb stupid Leapoffaith838: lol no, smarter than I am Leapoffaith838: hey you had your chance Kuadracer3: no...u lived 4 hours away Leapoffaith838: lol but I was going to be here for the rest of my life Leapoffaith838: silly boy Kuadracer3: at the time it was taking forever Leapoffaith838: haha Leapoffaith838: patience is a virtue Leapoffaith838: ;-) Kuadracer3: what the hell does that mean? Leapoffaith838: it's just a quote..patience is a virtue few can wait for Kuadracer3: what a shitty quote Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: well you're entitled to your opinion Kuadracer3: ok...shitty shitty shitty Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: nice Kuadracer3: so...i guess we'll never hang out then? Leapoffaith838: lol why not? Kuadracer3: cause ur too busy and if u have time off you'll be humping your pre-med bf Leapoffaith838: haha Kuadracer3: hit it on the head didnt i? Leapoffaith838: I will not, we're not attached at the hip Leapoffaith838: lol we have our own lives Kuadracer3: oh...what a great guy Leapoffaith838: lol he is great Kuadracer3: that is the gayest shit i have ever heard Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: well I like it Kuadracer3: so then u just have him for the sex Leapoffaith838: I personally think it would suck if I had to settle down or some such crap Leapoffaith838: lol umm no Kuadracer3: so whats the reason you're with him? Kuadracer3: u hardly see him.. Leapoffaith838: I have him b/c I love him and I want to marry him....but not anytime in the next 4 years Kuadracer3: u just want him cause he's gonna be a doctor Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: so am I Leapoffaith838: what's your point Kuadracer3: it'll be miserable....hardly any love Leapoffaith838: right, I would like 2 sets of med school bills to pay Leapoffaith838: lol, there's tons of love Kuadracer3: mmhhmm Kuadracer3: ok then....did i mention i won the indiana state lottery? Leapoffaith838: that's fun Kuadracer3: why else would i be home right now on my fat ass in my new huge house in dublin Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: for kicks and giggles Kuadracer3: nope...because i can Kuadracer3: so have fun while i wollow in my 25 million dollars Leapoffaith838: lol, I always have fun Leapoffaith838: you needn't worry Kuadracer3: just rubbing it in a little...thats all Leapoffaith838: lol why? Kuadracer3: cause i'm richer than you Leapoffaith838: lol this is true Leapoffaith838: but I'm perfectly happy with being a college student Kuadracer3: i'm perfectly happy being filthy rich hanging out with all my college friends Leapoffaith838: lol Leapoffaith838: I'm glad Kuadracer3: well, i'm gettin off here...have fun with whatever Leapoffaith838: you too hon What on EARTH would I do with money? And who would want to be with such an asshole? Oh wait I can't call him an asshole in his presence...haha...I love it. Searching For on 3/02/2005 02:46:00 PM.
3.01.2005 I'm so...happy. I don't even know what to say...or how to explain... I'm just happy...really happy. All those things that seemed so incredibly important...all the things that plagued my nights with nightmares...things I never thought would disappear...things that I never thought would seem so distant...so...unimportant...are and do. It's funny how things can plague you for so long and then suddenly you just...they're gone. I'm very ready to be truly happy...and I am so truly happy. Although I'll admit, I was a little bit afraid of being struck my lightening today...twice... Sometimes life works out so differently than you expect it to...but it...works out the way it's supposed to I guess. God will take your decisions out of your hands if you repeatedly make the wrong decisions...then he will send you a flurry of obvious signs just in CASE you missed the fact that you are a moron and need to listen more. Anyway...I'm very content...I'm very much so in for a long haul... And maybe...just maybe...(I don't know b/c I can't speak from experience)...I'm in love and not lust or like...but love. I think...yes. I don't deserve you for things I've done, whether you hold me to them or not, but I unquestionably love you for all I'm worth. I love you But to make me really happy...a snow day...would be perfect Searching For on 3/01/2005 01:13:00 AM.
Comments by: YACCS |