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6.27.2002 I have a few things to say to my lovely cousin, Lana. You're the the best jackass I know and I love you dearly!! Plus I am in full SUPPORT of the war!!! We went to a graduation party tonight and we had fun laughing and all but the food was awful. I got some sleep in, but I'm still rather sleepy. I had another "Carrie incident" today, it was funny, oh well, God loves her. Anyway, the party is tommorrow and there's lots to do. Lana and I are getting up at the crack of dawn to take my mama to work and go to the mall and Wal-Mart and get some stuff done, we're about to parafin. My nails are actually growing, but now they're covered in blueberries, I've got to do cuticules and maybe parafin. Gotta do the eyebrow stuff. Well anyway, I'm off for the night..... Searching For on 6/27/2002 09:54:00 PM.
Good morning all!
Another terrible day at volleyball, I don't know what my problem is, but it's DRIVING ME CRAZZZZZZZZY!!!!!! If Lana wasn't here, I'd be even more pissed off. UGHHHHHHH, at least I didn't miss a serve today, but my hitting STUNK.grrrrrrrr. Here's a list of stuff to explain some parts of my mood. I obviously didn't write it, but it's funny. The Top 14 Things PMS Stands for * Pass My Shotgun * Psychotic Mood Shift * Perpetual Munching Spree * Puffy Midsection * People Make Me Sick * Provide Me with Sweets * Pardon My Sobbing * Pimples May Surface * Pass My Sweatpants * Pissy Mood Syndrome * Plainly, Men Suck * Pack My Stuff * Permanent Menstrual Syndrome * Potential Murder Suspect I'm also giving myself some advice today, to try and help....here goes “All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them but confront them.” --William F. Halsey “Well done is better than well said.” --Benjamin Franklin “Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped.” --African Proverb “Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why.” --Bernard Baruch “Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind.” --Samuel Johnson “Be curious always! For knowledge will not acquire you; you must acquire it.” --Sudie Back “To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” --Confucius I will REMEMBER this, I will REMEMBER this, I will REMEMBER this, I will REMEMBER this,I will REMEMBER this,I will REMEMBER this,I will REMEMBER this, I will REMEMBER this, I will REMEMBER this, I will REMEMBER this, “To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable.” --Barry Goldwater One of my life theories!!!! “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” --Elbert Hubbard One that I need to remember “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” --Harriet Braiker “No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.” --Anon. Searching For on 6/27/2002 11:00:00 AM.
6.26.2002 Hey ya'll,
I haven't been in the mood to write in awhile. Lana is here!!!!!!!! Well not here, here. She's spending the night at grandma's!!! It's really been fun with her here, we've reconnected after being lost for awhile. Today she left her bathing suit at Pinareas, it was soooooooooo funny!!!!!!! We've got 2 fruit smoothies in the past 2 days, we're so addicted, it's not even funny. The party is coming soon and still I have no gifts or a bathing suit, but I am taking like a gazillion people. But that's good b/c it'll be a long ride and the more the merrier, plus it gaves Lana a chance to meet people without getting bombarded all at once. Lana and Tim are sooooooooooo cute, I want one!!!!!!!!!!! You know who is leaving tonight for camp, oh well, I'll survive somehow, wish he was going to the party though, he always makes things interesting and fun. I hope everyone likes the layout, it's different.......now... off to work more on my bio! "What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" - Vincent Van Gogh “The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.” --Anon. “Live so that your friends can defend you but never have to.” --Arnold H. Glasow “Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather serious when I suggest that someone should plant a few whoopee cushions in the United Nations.” --Ron Dentinger Searching For on 6/26/2002 10:43:00 PM.
6.22.2002 UGHHHHHH!!!! Chris is SUCH a jerk!!!!! I don't know what I saw in him, I must have been drunk or drugged. He's just such a JERK. If he tells me how stupid I am one more time!!!! I swear !!! If he only knew!!!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Lana, why can't I find a good one like Tim? Why do I only attract JERKS!!!!! Absolute JERKS!!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Searching For on 6/22/2002 07:01:00 PM.
Afternoon,
Well most of this is directed towards my awesome cousin, so the rest of you, though I wonder how many "the rest of you" actually means may disregard. Dearest Lana, I just recently read, I mean REALLY read your blogs archives, and they pulled on my heartstrings in more than one way. Whatever happened around prom time, w/ the chic I'm guessing Tim ummm well somewhat "ditched" (only for lack of a more appropriate word, not for any reprisal, for I have come to love Tim, not as you do, but as I can, as he constantly reminds me of our growing older and marriage and things I wish not to think of), anyway for last summer. The hurt you felt then, was something I will never ever be able to understand, or at least not for some time. I hurt so much b/c you did and the anger I felt for Tim, was not for anything but the way he had made you feel. Reading what I did before what I will deem the "incident," I felt my heart rise and fall, as I can see, yes you have actually, truly fallen in love. Tim is a wonderful guy and I am very, very, very relieved you have found such a fine catch, as there many not so fine, as I have found. This pulls at my heart strings in another way, a way in which I realize, as much as we have come to understand each other's worlds, we do not live in them. I have always known that your life is very different from mine, but I accepted both, as I still do. I do feel rather left behind, I suppose would be the best way to say it. For I have searched for even a love for what feels like forever, and been rewarded only in heartache and tears I have, (as you know), shared with no other, b/c I have become afraid to truly open up to anyone, w/ the exception of yourself at times. I can flirt with the best, and God has blessed me w/ a body that many admire, excluding myself, but not ONCE in 16 years have I EVER found a love, any love. My first kiss is still in the future, not the past. Everyone assumes from my body, not my mind, that I have been around home plate and back again. Stuff I have had to deal with I wish on no one. The reason I am blabbing all this junk is b/c I guess I am hoping to explain to you and myself why I was so angry at you on spring break. I didn't realize the true love you too had, and though I can't fully understand it now, I understand, it's not the love I have always thought of, it's more....special than that. I'm sorry for the way I acted, it was only out of my love for you, but still it wasn't right. Lana I love you dear, and I was really proud the way you told that chic EXACTLY how you felt about her foolishness. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when I should have been, but I'm glad Tim was. I love you dear, truly as my sister, are you my BEST friend without any doubt, and I shall always be here for you. Thank you for helping me to understand myself better and thank you for always letting me find my way, although it seems it is a bit after you do. I cannot wait to see you Monday! Love always, Reese PS- On a lighter note, I couldn't help admitting that this note is cutting into my kitchen cleaning time. For you, I shall super clean in record time before my Mama arrives home (you know how ugly it can be if it's not done!!!)lol. I love you my dear, and I'm sorry for all the crap you had to go through~ PPS- Just for the record, I didn't go back and reread this, so if it doesn't make sense, ah it was from the heart, truly from the heart~ Searching For on 6/22/2002 03:30:00 PM.
Top of the Morning to you all!
Last night I think I failed my womanhood, I felt so lost. Here it was about 12 am and I was sitting in my bathroom finally ready to take the plunge and ditch the unwanted hair. I got myself ready for the moment, read the directions about a hundred times, and then got all ready to yank, felt a slight pull and breathed a relieved sigh, I figured I could take the much pain. I was so innocent then. As I went to continue the deed, I realized not a spec of hair had disappeared. I spent an hour trying to figure it out, and nothing. I shall try again later...for this junk has GOT to work. I never did run or lift yesterday, but I plan on doing it today, it is not quite so hot and I've already taken care of all my beauty needs for the day. I'll have to clean the kitchen and sweep and completely dust my brother's room, but I'll survive. I do hope Lana brings her senior pictures, I had forgotten all about such things. I love how on antistrigint bottles they say the "tingling" just tells you that it's working. Yeah right, "tingling" any chic who has ever used one, knows exactly what "tingling" means, not that it's unbearable or anything, it actually leaves one with a feeling of extreme cleanliness. lol, see what products I must resort to without my sulfacet? Lana said she was prednizone...I do hope she's off it by the time she gets here, it'll puff you out like a butterball AND it makes one quite hard to be around, though I am glad she is going to feel better and her mouth will clear up. The mouth disease we both share is QUITE the little bugger, so ANNOYING! She should have taken the shot, it wouldn't have made her as irritable, or who knows, maybe it doesn't affect her personality at all. In any case, I am still looking forward to Friday! But Monday more! I can't WAIT FOR LANA!!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOOOO. Even though I have to babysit Monday for a long day, I can get through it with Lana, though I will have to make sure I get some sleep in, b/c this is going to be a busy week for me! Cloud 9 here I come!!!! Searching For on 6/22/2002 01:21:00 PM.
6.21.2002 Hola
Ahh, what a day. I can't believe Lana will be here Monday! It's all so unreal, like ususally we have a count down of months and now it's like, well 4 days!! BLISS!!!! Seriously, we're both going a bit nuts without each other. Like this is the conversation we had the other day.... Leap of Faith 17:and if you don't come Leap of Faith 17:I'll have a nervous breakdown Lana13185: and if i dont come i will have a nervous breakdown. Leap of Faith 17: and then you'll have to come anyway Leap of Faith 17: see! Leap of Faith 17: it all works out in the end Leap of Faith 17: they're just asking for expensive medical bills Lana13185: It's all a logical thing. Scary huh? Anyway I absolutely can't wait for her! Today mama and I went paint shopping. Talk about overwhelming!!!! All these colors, I swear I must have picked up 50 things and I was still confused. My mama goes in and picks out this color that she swears is a light purple, I hardly think it's a color at all! I'm waiting for Lana, so she can help me solve this mess. I called the pharmacy for some more zit medicine and they told me I have no more refills, I just about passed out. Monday can't come soon enough with Lana's zit stuff! Since it's that time of the month and sooo hotttt I'm breaking out like a fiend! and I have to have PERFECT skin for Friday, I HAVE TO. On the good side, I ate well today, though I know eventually the whole not eating a lot of meat thing will get me. I know ponder how vegeterains get along, I crave meat after awhile something fierce. But I'm going to be strong. I saw "girl" today btw and it was a really good movie, well maybe it wasn't but I needed it. Anyway, I'm going to be more of a good girl and go lift and run, I know it's later, but it was wayyyyyy too hot earlier and I lazy me didn't get up early enough again. How I need Lana!!!! I talk to any of my friends with the exception of Kris and the guys and I feel like pulling my hair out!!!! UGHHHHHHHH! Oh and one more note before I'm motivated enough by the thought of myself in front of you know who in my bathing suit friday. I'm officially over Chris, I wasn't even sad he hasn't been on all day, Always truly, Me Searching For on 6/21/2002 08:47:00 PM.
Hola
Lana is coming on Monday! She's going to help me get ready for this party, I do hope she wants to go, I'd hate to drag her somewhere. I'm so excited though!!!! Even though I have to babysit, we're going to have some time on our hands! Yippie!!!! And now I'm a bit more relaxed about this party. I began my time of the month today, and it had better be over by next friday! I'm so nervous about the whole bathing suit thing, but I'm going to work really hard, I have a week, that's enough time to get some start in, and I've been lifting , so that won't be too bad, and w/ Lana here, it'll be easier to refrain from eating crap food. Today I cleaned my room well, it's not quite done yet, but I had 2 garbage bags to get rid of, and then other things just to give away. I cleaned EVERYTHING out too, so it took forever. Tommorrow I'll have to finish doing the sideboards and cleaning out my light, and carting stuff downstairs. I didn't get any running or lifting in, but I was a good little eater and water drinker and acne medicine taker so, I'll start tommorrow. I'll have to get my report card tommorrow as well. Lana is bringing me sulfacet! She really is going to get me through going to this party! I will have to give myself a new pedicure tommorrow, b/c this one is getting nasty, besides, Mama bought new nail polish. Chris wants to be friends with benefits...what a jerk!!!!!!! Anyway, that's all for now! Always truly, Me PS- I can't wait Lana!!!! I so cited!!!!!!!!!!!! Searching For on 6/21/2002 12:03:00 AM.
6.19.2002 Hola,
I should go to bed, but I'm not in the mood. I did take a nap for a bit,,,,sort of. I had no urge to workout today, but tommorrow it's back to the grind. I love when guys say things like no offense....before saying something equally insulting like, you have a nice rack. It's just wonderfully interesting, you know they're trying to compliment you, but they're hopelessly failing....oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts. The more I talk to Tobey, the more I get to like him. Of course, Chris is always up there....but I have to admit, Tobey being much closier physically and bright, football player, and always makes me laugh, and never makes me upset...Well he has his own advantages. The only problem with Tobey is that you can never figure out if he's being serious or joking, so one can never tell if he likes you, or he's just playing, and he sure as anything won't tell you. I think he's afraid of being hurt, but I guess we all are, so I don't blame him at all. Anyway, before I worry about being in loooooooove, I need to get myself in gear! Meg's party is on the 28th! that's less than 10 days! Double running seasons I guess, I'll have to get up early and go over to Poland and get some real running in, I'm hoping @ least 3 miles 2x's per day, and some lifting....ugh and a bathing suit, I think I'll try looking for one...tuesday or wednesday next week. New diet too I suppose, ugh, not looking forward to it, but it's necesarry my love handles are gross and I've been waiting to get rid of them, I'll just caught down to veggies and fruits for a few weeks and stay on my double running for as long as I can stand it. 7 should be good for tommorrow morning, if I'm barely awake, maybe I won't notice for the first few miles, it should feel good to stretch my legs. I hope no one's out there, like a team or anything. I just want to get back into the motion. Ugh, I've gotta get back on my acne med's too and my nail stuff. Looks like there's tons to do! and, I've got to get Meg and Bridget presents!!! AHHHHH, lol. busy me! I've got to get a haircut too, I can't decide what to do though, I want to get rid of all the color at the ends, but I'm not sure how short that will take me and I'm liking my long layers, I think I just want to go all natural color and long layers, though I might go for a bit of red later....but that will be awhile,I've waited too long to be colorless to just go and highlight it again. I've GOT to pluck my eye brows tonight too, it appears I have a forest growing, it's sick. Anyway, that's all.....night Always truly, Me Searching For on 6/19/2002 10:49:00 PM.
Hola,
Ugh! Chris is driving me nuts. For 2 whole days I walked around under a storm cloud w/ 1,000 different angry and depressed emotions, absolutely furious at him for giving me the silent treatment and then yesterday I was so ticked I got on and talked to him for like 5 minutes and he said he wasn't ignoring me, and he pretty much chewed me out for nothing, my dad needed the phone line so I just got off. And than today he was so sweet, I had a pretty bad day babysitting, I just got home and he even said I knew he loved me, though it was joking, he said it just after he was talking about some girl, so there was a kind thought behind it. We couldn't talk long, but it was short and sweet......definatley. I sure wish Lana would get her computer fixed! I saw the Others and part of O last night.....both were really good. Ughh, babysitting today, they weren't too bad, but I am so tired, I'm finally napping after writing this. But anyway, their next door neighbors are Meg's grandparents, which would make them Chris Always truly, Me Searching For on 6/19/2002 04:24:00 PM.
6.16.2002 I went over to my grandparents today and spent the day with them. I got pictures back today dating back from our Poland basketball game!!!! they're cute though. I'm talking to Chris now and deciding whether or not to go through with it. Wish me luck!!!! Searching For on 6/16/2002 09:10:00 PM.
6.15.2002 Yesterday I babysit for the munchkins and they were angels but they did tucker me out something fierce. I finally cleaned up my computer room, and it's absolutely amazing, I don't think I've seen the floor for months, I suppose that happens when you're always working on it.
Last night I went over to Dani's to watch scary movies, it was most enjoyable! We watched House on a Haunted Hill, 13 Ghosts and The Mothman something......the latter of which was absolutely horrid and not worthy anyone's time......ever. But the other two were pretty good, I'd seen House on a Haunted Hill before and been freaked out by it so, you know. Then we got a second wind @ like 2:30am and talked until 5:30 and I had to get up and run home to get ready for Laura's @ 8.....needless to say, I'm lacking a BIT of sleep. This morning I went to Laura's wedding shower and it was really fun. Rob was there, and all I have to say about that is, he's the hottest thing I have EVER met on 2 legs....literally, though I can love others, he'll always be like my crush that'll never happen....or who knows? I did catch his eye a few times, though I really was TRYING not to stare! Maybe it will, he did say he'd umm well spend an evening with me to put it cleanly. Chris hasn't talked to me in 2 days, and he's annoying the crap out of me. I mean I basically finally admit to being head-over-heels and he just skirts around it and drives me nuts! Men, I tell you! Tobey asked me out again last night, but whether he was serious or not, I couldn't tell. He's such a compulsive liar and he's so good at it, that I can never tell anything, which is frustrating considering I have to admit, I have a few spare feelings for him. I don't know whether to play along or be like, hey seriously though, let's do something. It could be weird, we've been friends for so long and everything. With my luck Chris would want to do something the same night and I'd be ruined forever. I really can't wait to do something with him, but how on earth I'm going to pick him up, not get lost or killed, and have my parents not notice the milage...I haven't the faintist clue. I do know I honestly think I love Chris, and all the other guys I'm bringing to my attention are just things to heal my wounds. I do wish he would love me back, for once, I'm not willing to let this one go. My hearts been broken too many times for it just to be stomped on again by someone I TRULY care for in all the ways that I can. Alright, promise, even ranting for this hour. Ah well...tis are thee trials of the love life itself. Now I'm waiting around for my brother and his g/f (this one I like at least!) to show up for dinner. I swear if I eat another thing I'll burst..oh well. I wonder if we're going to church tonight...eh who knows. I'm glad their coming and I like seeing them, but it just brings the cold and harsh reality that I haven't had a relationship yet, and I'm starting to really feel the effects. Ah well, I'll get over it. I'm hoping to finally go and see my Aunt Melanie tonight, I haven't seen her since she's been here and I believe it's about time I have! Plus I haven't seen my grandparents in awhile either and I need to get some time in with them. Well I'm off to catch a quick catnap till Phil and Jenni pop in! Alwayz truly, Me Searching For on 6/15/2002 02:13:00 PM.
6.13.2002 I love him! I love him! I love him!!!!! just had to share!!!! sweet dreams!!!!!
alwayz truly, Me Searching For on 6/13/2002 11:41:00 PM.
I just noticed how pretty my grammar is on my first post and I'm terribly sorry....and I know I seem to talk about 1 guy, but I'm talking about 2....not that it matters, I'm just trying to sort stuff out....I'm sorry
Alwayz truly, Me Searching For on 6/13/2002 10:09:00 PM.
Hi,
Well Lana, I finally did it, I just had to start my own blog. I tried writing in my diary, but all it does it take up a lot of time and leave my private thoughts for my family to find. This post won't be one of great explanation or anything, b/c I started this blog, b/c I've got to let someone in on my secrets and private life, b/c I can't handle it alone anymore, and Kyle isn't there for me like he used to be. I suppose he's all good and well that he and Bridget have patched things up, but I'm suddenly on my own with my own heartbreak......and it's rough. It's not really heartbroke though, it's just a realization that the guy I could have sworn I was in love with, doesn't even come close to loving me. I've tried to come up with all kinds of others, told myself I'm just getting lonely and what not, which I am but... I mean being 16 and never been kissed, rarely even hugged and just, just missing it and aching for it, it's just......utterly embarrassing. On one hand, I've had guys tell me they'd screw me in a second, or they'd just LOVE to be friends with benefits or just......whatever. All that tells me is that my time spent at the gym, running, and eating carefully, and God's gift of my body are appealing. No one ever looks deeper, or if they do, I'm too smart, or I'm not smart enough. Even the guy I was perfectly willing to fall head over heels with (ok, so I did anyway), has a g/f who's in 8th grade!!!! 8th grade!? and I couldn't stand her b/f I knew he was her girlfriend! I'm almost like one of the guys. The girl guys come running to if they have a problem or a question about a girl and the girls tell me all of their problems with guys. Not that I'm not perfectly willing to listen and help and soothe, I am. But just once! JUST ONCE, I wish things would work out for me. I know I sound terribly selfish and I assure you, I'm truly not, but this past week has been too rough for me to handle. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and burnt with the ashes sent downt the toilet. I simply just want somebody to love me, and not just anybody, but that special person! It's not fair!!!! Alwayz Truly, Me Searching For on 6/13/2002 10:01:00 PM.
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